1. 911 Call: "Help I've Overdosed On Philosophy!"
2. Self Help Specialist Ends Own Life
3. I Am A Trans-Continental Railroad, Please Run A Train On Me
4. Stop Calling Us Screamo
5. You Don't Understand The Liquor Is Calling The Shots Now Randy BoBandy
6. You Can't Get Goose Justice In Fox Court, Just Spit On The Judge
7. Atrocities From A Story Book Perspective
8. An Introduction For People Who Hate Introductions
9. Jimmy Buffett Doesn't Even Surf
10. Soap Opera Stardom Is A Single Is A Single Tear Drop Away
11. Pep Talk From A Nihilist
12. Fashion Statements Of The Socially Aware
13. Absolutely Absolute Absolution